Chapter Three: The Brother Issue

Daddy issues, mommy issues, absent parents.

Siblings bullying, bad parenting.

You've seen them all in movies.

But what if, you had it all but also didn't have them all at the same time?

Like you've had present parents, but not beneath the skin.

You did not experience siblings' comparison or bullying, cause you did not have any.

You did not grieve the grand parents loss cause you never experienced any of their affection.

And every time you see others... you feel jealous, envy.

She longs for a presence of family member other than her parents.

Her number one dream? An older brother.

A figure that can love her, protect her, understand her, unconditionally.

A fight between siblings, a pact against the parents.

A relationship that looks silly on the outside, and yet bonded forever on the inside.

Little moments, like having a crush on the brother's best friend.

Sneaked out and getting smacked on the head by the older brother.

Someone to protect you from the naughty seniors at school.

I don't know, things in the movies.

The thing is, this has become an unhealthy obsession of her.

Funny thing, she has a lot of male cousins in the bigger family.

But no one is close enough, understanding enough, and present enough.

So then... she casually, and gradually "collects" older brother from the outside world.

And of course all of them backfires.

No one understood her intentions.

Instead, it became something like grooming - or even worse, harassment.

Sometimes it ends up with the guys crashing on her and then they ruin the friendship.

Or worse, they take advantage of her body.

She fell again and again on this pattern, she can no longer differentiate intentions and risks.

Sounds stupid, doesn't it?

Well now, she changed her whole circle. 

Most of the friends that she still hangs out with are now girls.

Not the same, of course.

Sometimes she wonders if her loneliness is the reason she built the whole girls community.

Doing a lot of things at the same time, keeping herself busy.

Now mostly she goes places alone.

She's trying to make peace with herself, that the brother issue needs to touch ground.

That it will forever be in her dream only.