Once upon a chaotic period of life, there lived a dark fairy, growing up in a city that looks good. It looked perfectly fine from the outsiders' point of view, but if you go inside -- chaos, anger, greed, and addictions. She tried so hard to leave the town, but it was the only place she knew. So she stalled, and stalled, and eventually grew up there. Though the city's eyes are always on her, pushing and pressuring her to be the savior of the city. Putting sins and sufferings from others' hands, onto her shoulders. All the weight of the darkness made her feel an emptiness inside of her. Eventually, she believed that she was destined for something bigger, better.
Just on the outskirt of the so called city, there was an art camp, full of naturalists, artists, musicians, philosophers. She stumbled upon the camp, and lucky for her, they cared a lot about her. So every time she felt sad, confused, or even breaking down, she went there and seek help. The camp brought her joy, peacefulness, and calmness. She then decided to move there. The camp really took care of her, taught her things, even cherish her with all her dark pasts. But with that kind of simple life, she still felt like something is missing, like she needed something bigger. So some times she went out of the camp and look at the possible paths to go to the bright and shiny kingdom. She observed, and every night she went away, she went further and further.
Just when she thinks nothing can go wrong, the darkness from her previous city came and brought chaos to the camp. She felt guilty, but she also couldn't do anything about it. She apologized, and decided to leave the camp, and never come back.
So she took one of the paths to go towards the glamorous kingdom, went through the hurricanes and hunger, rainy days and rawness - just trying her best to get past the surroundings of the kingdom. She has one goal; to get to the palace. She learns things the hard way, making mistakes and paid for them. Begging, crushing, apologizing, hurting, pretending, lying, helping, networking, disappearing... and eventually found herself back in the mirror, thinking "what the hell am I doing?"
Just like that, she took a big pause of her journey. She took a long walk along the kingdom's boundaries, and stumbled upon a crowded pub. She went in, and hell she liked it. In the pub, she can be herself. No judgement of her colors, her darkness, or the dark wings. So she stayed, and she tried all kinds of beers served. The patrons made friends with her and they played all kinds of games together. She felt so welcomed, and she could share the weight she's been bearing. The patrons? They're not scared or disgusted by them, they laughed it off as if traumas were the funniest jokes. Minutes spent become hours, hours become days, and days become weeks. But when the dopamine ran off, she shook her head and realized that she had her goal forgotten, and this pub has been holding her in a trance. After all, she needed to reach to 'that' point to complete her. Right?
So she left, again. And continued to path her ways to the palace. There were big holes where she fell every now and then, but she always got some help from people around. It's like people couldn't really see the darkness she carried. So she started to help people back with her magic. One help at a time, she grew some colors in her wings, and she didn't hate it. She keeps walking up, working hard to make progress, and in between she kept making new encounter that added more color to her.
One day the colors annoyed her. It was too much, she got overwhelmed. So she put back her black cloak and only show so much of the colors in the wings. She sharpened her vision, and tried her best not to get distracted again and again.
Weeks have gone, and she realized that the lone journey was not so bad. She found it peaceful, and perfect. Just when she thought it couldn't get any better, she found the palace door. Surprised and confused, she didn't just come in straight away. She tried to observe from outside, and look out for the risks. Going closer and further, back and forth, before she decided to go in.
Then, she convinced herself that it was the day she had to come in. So she did. She saw the throne, the diamonds and the gold. But also, there were other fairies inside. So she stayed quiet, and looked around. All the other fairies were focusing on the diamonds and gold, without knowing that they come with risks, responsibilities, and the weight. She took a minute of courage to join the rumble and tried to reach for any of the valuables. But the other fairies were bigger and stronger, so she got thrown away to the wall.
Unexpectedly, the throne saw her, and chose her. The other fairies were banished, and she got everything.
But everything, comes with a price. She had to take off her dark cloak, left her sorrow, and turned into an angel. So she did.
She tried her best to be worthy of the throne, of the diamonds and the gold. She changed herself. The only darkness she carried, she hid it inside.
But she got tired, and she was back on the emptiness. "Isn't this what I always wanted?" she asked herself. She stared at herself on the mirror, realizing how much she changed. "Is this the real me? Or am I being too pretentious?"
So during her free time, she got out of the palace, and took an "off-day" to go back to the pub. Saying hi to the folks, fulfilling her craving of the beers, and harvesting dopamine from the games. It was enough to patch her emptiness, and she went back to her palace.
Time goes by, the once dark fairy got ill from the stress. She needed to share the weight she boar. But the diamonds and the gold weren't helping, so she went to the pub again. This time, something touched the addiction in her blood. So she went there more and more often, chasing the fulfillment in her emptiness.
Until one day, she didn't realize that she had abandoned the palace. The diamonds and the gold became full of rust, and the throne call her for judgement. She was lost and got nowhere to run. She tried so hard to bear everything on her own but then she failed to hold herself back. She ran back to the art camp and seek help. The art camp, as always, welcomed her with warmth and calmness, and let her stayed for awhile, just until she could think clearly. She didn't even cry until she reached the camp, where she could tell without explaining, and show without exposing. The camp brought her to her clear mind, and then let her go back to the journey.
In the palace, where there was judgement, she got punished. She's not locked in, but the pub was burnt down on behalf of the palace. The palace also took her wings and she's left with nothing but blinding light dresses. She was not happy at all, but she was too afraid to leave the palace. And she didn't want to lose the throne, not yet. She never wanted to go back to the dark and heavy journey she was struggling in. So she stayed, even without her black dresses and cloaks.
She tried her best to fix the diamonds and the gold, side by side with her emptiness. Just so the palace can be open and airy again, for her to breathe.
And deep down she knows; the emptiness, it has no cure wherever she looks in this world.
It comes from within, and she was born with it, along with her black, broken wings.
