Chapter Two: The Only Child

A lot of stories, movies, forums, you name it.

They talk about the prejudice of being the last child.

The golden kid, the spoiled ones, and so on.

Then the strongest victim, the first born.

The one forced to be responsible, early maturity, and others.

After that, comes the highlight to the forgotten one, middle child.

The stigma of forgotten sandwich, the invisible one, and so they said.

Whatever it is, she's always jealous of them.

And also confused... What about the only child?

No one talks about it, other than the benefit of having everything for herself.

But no one talks about how lonely it is.

To carry all the spotlight, good and bad.

To keep the family secret alone, with no siblings to badmouth with.

To cry alone in the room, while trying hard to not hear her parents' fight.

No one talks about the weight of carrying family's expectations alone.

The heaviness of moving away, leaving her parents in the empty house.

At the same time relieved that she doesn't have to witness the fights anymore.

But growing up lonely, as in used to do and handle everything alone, doesn't make her an introvert.

Surely, sometimes she's tired of the crowd. But she also prefers a little company than alone alone.

Sometimes, she wonders if she becomes needy to others, and on the bad days, feeling like everyone lowkey avoid her, or even hates her.

It's an unexplainable pressure, and loneliness.

The loneliness also comes from the distance to her parents.

Not physically, but mentally. 

On paper they look like they're close to each other, but in reality, it's on surface level only.

She never once share deeper feelings, problems, or her depression.

She always perform in front of her parents and family, that she's alright.

Maybe that's why, when she finds someone that she can share her inner world with, sometimes she got too attached. Or even ruin it without even realizing it -- but it's for another story.

All those combined, she never felt like she has a safety net.

Economically, mentally.

If she doesn't make money, she doesn't have a place to fall.

How? Her parents now need her help financially.

If she breaks, she doesn't have a place to fall.

How? Her parents don't know the ups and downs in her life.

And maybe, some quirky traumas grow inside of her -- but it's also for another story.

Now she just wants to stop trying to get loose from the loneliness inside of her.

Instead, she tries to embrace it, not fight it, and endure her loneliness as a rest day.