between the guilt trip

hearts broken

wounds open

tables turned

and bridges burnt

if this is a curse

i want a cure

i no longer want to hold or be held

i just want to fly away and hold sway

if i have to choose between breaking or be broken

i would just be alone inside these walls

but again my heart is a rebel

it has the needs to explore and feel

i didn't plan to hurt some souls

i didn't plan to ruin in-betweens

as much as i'm cursed to be wanted till i'm known

i'm also set to put the good parts to be blown

i have a big heart that even the space can be shared

but sharing is not always caring

too much to feel could be so tough

and one day at a time doesn't feel enough

between the machine, the bad influence, and the walking contradiction 

i'm running around, chasing the dopamine to escape

but to you it was sanctuary, a high from the thigh 

an obsession to the eyes, a misguided data of affections

with the timeline of the giant

that my veins had to repaint

the softest hearts that i shattered

traumatic tears that you all shed

how surprising that you chose to stay

wasn't I made of an alcoholic whore clay?

between fight or flight i freeze

i break between scissors and fist

the moment of war and clash

i'm still shaking from the smash

i can hear my own heart beating to my ear

anxiety plays the drum and pumps the gear

if only i could rewind

i would've sticked to dine and wine

not because i'm full of regret

for the sake of keeping the chemistry great

it had to come to another good-bye gate

another ruin caused by my selfishness

next soul that isn't a mate

guilt is no better than loneliness