the lonely loner

there you go again.

you keep repeating the same cycle.

probably it's the trauma.

or maybe it's just you.

you close your heart.

and then feel alone.

after journeys and bad decisions, you decide to open up. again.

you let someone in. 

you stop the journeys for that person

hoping you'll find another adventure just with them.

and then. just when it's deep enough to hurt you.

you start to doubt everything.

you start to search for the negative signs.

you just want to find something is wrong.

you start to think all the possibilities it can go bad.

you're afraid to get attached; to be called clingy or needy.

in your mind, you make your own scenario of the worst;

how you're not the only one; how you've been lied to all these time.

"probably he has other 2 girls", "probably he actually has wife and kids"

all the worst possibilities.

like you're getting ready to get disappointed.

eventually, you start to think that you can't.

and then ask yourself, "should I just end this?"

or, "am I better alone?"

but you're afraid of feeling lonely.

and you are a caregiver. natural one.

you're anxious about something that you don't know real or unreal.

you doubt yourself. your decisions.

you're longing to be attached, but afraid to get hurt, or to hurt.

you are hopeless romantic.

you, are a lonely loner.